More information here and here.
Again this year I run through many fallen leaves;
my heart won't open like it did. I was younger then.
My head turns to see you; turns again to see you gone.
Mind runs to find you, body sits, heart pains in hunger then.
Newborn song, straining to cross continents and oceans,
rooted firm in me. Still I couldn't make my lungs heard then.
A man stands in a field before an ancient house.
Door slams; a thousand birds fly, feeling the house shudder then.
Corpses of past lives have no peace in cemeteries.
We sent those decaying selves out to sea. We were younger then.
As a poetry style, this is pretty cool. I like the idea. I'm trying to understand your description of the form. I'm going to reread this a few more times before I comment on the content.
ReplyDeleteImmediately, I like the repetition of 'then'.
I am always a little uncomfortable around poetry-- not quite sure what makes a poem technically 'good' or 'bad'.
ReplyDeleteThat said, this poem did some pretty cool things with the endings, and I really liked the first and last stanzas.
Which is all I can offer you because I hate the idea of offering advice over a medium I don't understand! Like Jason, I'll take another crack at it later and see if anything new hits me!