Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Then

I wanted to use this cycle as an excuse to play with a poetic form I had never tried. The result is this poem, which is vaguely inspired by prompt choice V, and is in ghazal form. The salient feature of the ghazal form is that it is composed of at least five couplets that are autonomous except for the repetition of a phrase or rhymed refrain. Most of the examples I have found in English are more esoteric than anything I can manage; I think I ended up with a sort of ineffable, free-associative theme, despite the requirement of couplet autonomy.

More information here and here.

Again this year I run through many fallen leaves;
my heart won't open like it did. I was younger then.

My head turns to see you; turns again to see you gone.
Mind runs to find you, body sits, heart pains in hunger then.

Newborn song, straining to cross continents and oceans,
rooted firm in me. Still I couldn't make my lungs heard then.

A man stands in a field before an ancient house.
Door slams; a thousand birds fly, feeling the house shudder then.

Corpses of past lives have no peace in cemeteries.
We sent those decaying selves out to sea. We were younger then.

2 comments:

  1. As a poetry style, this is pretty cool. I like the idea. I'm trying to understand your description of the form. I'm going to reread this a few more times before I comment on the content.

    Immediately, I like the repetition of 'then'.

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  2. I am always a little uncomfortable around poetry-- not quite sure what makes a poem technically 'good' or 'bad'.

    That said, this poem did some pretty cool things with the endings, and I really liked the first and last stanzas.

    Which is all I can offer you because I hate the idea of offering advice over a medium I don't understand! Like Jason, I'll take another crack at it later and see if anything new hits me!

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